Returning back to the "wilds" of this outer world after 2 weeks of being in solitude and inner reflection has creating a longing in me to go back to that place. That place nestled in between ferns and fungi. With my soul family.
I woke up this morning with a yearning to escape somewhere to be alone. To go back into the arms of the forest and trees. Back into the Spirit Realm where everything is clear and calm.
I ask myself today :
HOW CAN I BRIDGE THOSE TWO PLACES; THE INNER AND OUTER WORLDS?
It's a tug of war figuring this one out, but I know it is an integral part of my growth as a woman stepping into her power and place. A small part of me feels as though something is missing in me again. Like the person I saw as myself has dissolved a little, and I miss her. And maybe I'm grieving the death of the old, younger me. Maybe this is grief I feel. Maybe it's the feeling of something old dying? Or maybe, it's the feeling of having space freed up inside of me with nothing there yet to fill it?
But I guess that's the challenge of living a spiritual life of depth and transparency... the balancing of worlds and carrying that medicine into my daily life. Holding the love close to my heart and protecting it with tenderness towards myself. Over the last few weeks I've undergone and seen so much... So much change and letting go and realizations that are still flooding through me as I navigate being back in the world with cars and stressed out people and media propagating hate and devastation and negativity. That is the world today, isn't it?
In my refusal and rebuttal to participate with that aspect of what is deemed 'normal', I will stop at nothing to remain humble, to continue spreading the light, to write about authenticity, vulnerability and living a conscious, compassionate life. Because I choose to be the one I have been waiting for ; the woman who speaks her mind and her truth, who shares with great depth all of the lessons she is learning, who stands firmly for what she protects and what is sacred, who challenges the norms of the society she is in, who reclaims the space she is meant to hold and take up, who, with unrelenting force, continues on and makes the most out of life and doesn't fall victim to circumstance, controlling belief systems of other or their ideas of what she should be.
I am who I am and I am learning. I am constantly becoming. I hold the lost and forgotten parts of myself so that they know they are not alone, that they are valid, that they are part of a greater, beautiful whole.
The lessons keep unfurling and I know that I am being shown this anxiety and sadness to look at it again and choose a different way; not as I once did, and to not let it overshadow the beauty of life and the blessings that are all around me.
Life is duality. Life is polarity. Life is ebb and flow, push and pull, rise and fall. It is two things and a million things at once.
Continue I must and move forward I will, because life is movement and I will never stay still.